Where have all the Sexiest Men Alive gone?

The Golden Age
After Swayze and Nolte, People seemed to reach a dead end, anointing their one-and-only “Sexiest Couple Alive” in ‘93 (Gere and Cindy Crawford), and, like the World Series, not playing at all in ’94. Turns out they were merely retooling. For the next six years, bookended by Brad Pitt in ’95 and Brad Pitt in ’00, they achieved a kind of Golden Age in which all the actors chosen were big stars and good actors whose careers didn’t tailspin afterwards but stayed level or kept rising: Brad, Denzel, George Clooney, Harrison Ford, Richard Gere and Brad again. Not a Harry Hamlin in the bunch.

AFP - Getty Images file George Clooney is one of three Sexiest Men Alive who've won Oscars.

Pitt is the only SMA chosen twice (Gere’s been chosen one and a half times), and, as I’ve written elsewhere, he dealt with the general perception of his sexiness by playing the scuzziest roles possible: Det. David Mills in “Se7en,” Jeffrey Goines in “Twelve Monkeys,” Tyler Durdan in “Fight Club” and Mickey O’Neil in “Snatch.”

Denzel also does scuzzy well but his most memorable roles are intense ones: “Glory,” “Malcolm X,” “He Got Game,” “Training Day” and “Inside Man.” He’s a competitive sonofabitch and he’s best playing competitive sons of bitches. Lately he’s specialized in the hero we’re not sure is a hero: “Remember the Titans” and “Man on Fire” and the like. The Jackie Robinson of the group, he’s still waiting for a Larry Doby (or a Roberto Clemente or an Ichiro Suzuki) to be called up. And all the while Terrence Howard is tearing up the minors.

Evan Agostini / Getty Images file Denzel Washington is the only African American actor to be named as People's Sexiest Man Alive.

If it were up to my sister, George Clooney would win this thing every year. Besides being suave, liberal and better-looking in a tux than James Bond, he may be the funniest Sexiest Man Alive (see: “O Brother, Where Art Thou?”). Which shows what women mean when they say they find a sense of humor “sexy.” Fineprint: If you also happen to look like George Clooney.

Unlike the others in this group, Harrison Ford was chosen at what looks like the tail-end of his career. His best roles were 20 and 30 years ago, and he hasn’t made a decent film since “The Fugitive” in ’93. He needs to realize he’s not 40 anymore. Or 50. Or 60.

The forgotten sexiest men (part II)

Getty Images file Hard to believe Ben Affleck was once considered Sexiest Man Alive.

Lately it feels like we’ve entered another fallow period in the Sexiest Man Alive sweepstakes. The most recent group of actors may have the looks but not the weight, and maybe not the longevity. They feel like women’s men as opposed to men’s men. No Russell Crowe, for example, or Javier Bardem or Clive Owen.

Pierce Brosnan (2001) was a good choice, our second-best Bond ever, and he may wind up in the Golden Age category someday. But since him we’ve gotten the fallen half of Bennifer, Ben Affleck (2002), the sudden, box-office Pirate of the Caribbean, Johnny Depp (2003), and Alfie Redux, Jude Law (2004). The odd thing about Depp and Law is that while they’re great actors they rarely play sexy. Depp, in particular, usually plays odd, asexual Tim Burton man-boys. All elbows. Not sexy.

AFP - Getty Images file Does Matthew McConaughey have the longevity of some of the other Sexiest Men Alive?

The most recent Sexiest Man Alive, Matthew McConaughey, is another actor who’s got looks and a killer smile, and can certainly act (see: “Dazed and Confused”), and certainly has star quality (see: “Lone Star”), but he’s yet to carry a movie. And how can the first movie being promoted by the Sexiest Man Alive be something called “Failure to Launch”? Somebody in marketing is not doing their job.

Think global, act local
So perhaps it’s time to retool again. Perhaps People can do the unthinkable and go outside the acting community to find their Sexiest Man Alive. Aren’t there sexy athletes? Singers? Politicians? Firemen? Teachers? Chauffeurs? Postmen? Insurance underwriters? Surely some of these guys can’t be worse than Ben Affleck.

A better alternative, of course, is for women everywhere to put down the gossip rags and find their own Sexiest Man Alive. It would be like the environmental dictate “Think Global, Act Local,” but, you know, sexier. And ladies? Please be gentle when anointing.

Although never Sexiest Man Alive, Erik Lundegaard did place second to Dave Paulson for “Biggest Bookworm” at Bryant Junior High School. He can be reached at:

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