Readers recall pain, pride of cancer recovery

In the last installment of "Low Blow," reporter Mike Stuckey wrote about having surgery to remove his prostate and the line between humility and humiliation. His experiences resonated with many readers who wrote in to share memories of their own treatments.

Some recalled their own embarrassment at surgery's side effects. "I never feel confident enough not to wear a pad. The embarrassment would be too much," said one.

One woman wrote defiantly that the man she loves may have the obstacles of surgery recovery ahead "(But) my husband is not going to die from prostate cancer."

Not all of prostate cancer's effects are physical. For some, the diagnosis also brought a new appreciation for each day and the people they love. "Cancer opens your eyes. ... My wake-up call is that my family is important, not my work," wrote one cancer survivor.

Read on for more reader's responses:

I had the da Vinci robotic surgery in November 2004 at the age of 57. My recovery was more difficult than others' I have read about here. I also take Lupron shots which I have not seen mentioned. My surgery was done by an excellent team at the University of Virginia Health Systems. I am now back at work but my energy level is not near what it use to be. My sex life is zero. Incontinence is indeed an issue although not a great one (coughing or laughing). I do wear pads from time to time depending on the occasion. Overall, I have a good life and no regrets. Like others have said here, take your choice between living and the future or a few more years of good sex. I chose living.
— David, Stephens City, Va.

I work for a urological practice and I must confess, seeing the patients and their families can be rough. I have assisted on nearly 1,000 prostate biopsies and I can testify that the men undergoing them appreciate me being able to comfort them during the procedure and tell them step-by-step what will happen. I can tell them that the anticipation is the worst part. When the results come back from the lab, positive or negative, there is a relief that the patients experience. There is finality to their suspicions, or lack thereof. Eventually it does hit them, and sometimes their families are unable to comfort them. This is where the medically trained support comes in.

I tell them that a diagnosis of cancer is no longer a death threat as it was 20 years ago. I also can give them my experience of losing my father, grandfather, and numerous other relatives to cancer. The patients, at that point, realize that I'm not just another nurse trained to say these things. I become their emotional crutch and I am glad that I can take some of the anxiety off of the shoulders of family members. They also realize, as I do, my day is coming. I am a 32-year-old male with a family history of cancer. I can honestly say that when that day comes I will try to face my fears with dignity and poise. To all of you men out there just remember you are not alone.
— Mike, State College, Pa.

Thank you for your most informative report. I am 61 and in outstanding health. However, my PSA started to rise rapidly and my doctor was concerned enough that he sent me to a urologist for a more thorough exam. He monitored me and when the PSA continued to rise, recommended a biopsy. (Mike Stuckey's stories) prepared me so well for the experience that there were no surprises at all. I am pleased to report that the results just arrived and everything is benign. Please tell your readers that sometimes a rising PSA — according to my doctor — is just a sign of an enlarged prostate (my situation) and not necessarily something dire.
— Anonymous

In 2002, at the age of 53, I met the love of my life! He was then 74 and had been told that he had an elevated PSA of 4.2. Following his doctor's advice, he was undergoing "testosterone deprivation" therapy — and hated it. He had always pursued a very physically active, healthy lifestyle and the loss of testosterone meant lack of muscle tone and many other side effects (including sexual ones) that he wasn't willing to live with. He did all of the same research others have discussed and opted for brachytherapy with a doctor involved in pioneering the procedure in Seattle. That was four years ago, and it was the best decision he could have made. It did take a while for him to build up his testosterone using a cream applied in the morning and at night. His PSA remains at 0.10. Most important he is back to his old self — he works out at a gym five to six days a week and looks 10 years younger than he is. Sexual function is excellent — something we enjoy almost daily, and rarely with the assistance of the little blue pill.
— Mary, Palm Springs, Calif.

My father was diagnosed with prostate cancer in the 1980s, and the only treatment at that time was to have that part of the prostate resected. His life with his wife was not ideal after that and he didn't complete a follow-up every year as he was supposed to, simply because he was embarrassed and afraid it would further put a wedge between he and his wife. Then in 1995, he was diagnosed again with prostate cancer, and at that time he had a total radical prostatectomy with lymph node resection. He then had metastatic bone cancer develop within two months of his surgery and died three months later.

There is no excuse for a man not to at least get a PSA test. That in no way is embarrassing. I can understand where men are uncomfortable with the physical examination part of the prostate exam. Thank goodness technology and medicine has realized this as a huge, huge problem among men and in some cases, grossly undiagnosed. Men - do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Women do it once a year, every year and thousands of women's lives have been saved by those exams. Your life can be saved by a simple blood test. Do it now! Do it for your wife and children if not for yourself. You just might save your life.
— Diana, Louisville, Ky.

I am now 72. Six years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I needed time to think and told no family or friends about it. I spent hours researching on the internet, consulting with specialists and with men who had been through it. I was at a very early stage and my urologist said that I had time to think. My major concern was quality of life. I didn't think that I wanted to live with a diaper and I also felt that sex was very important. I wanted to minimize risk in these fields, I had enjoyed a good life and didn't want to ruin the rest of it. I didn't and don't think that life as a burden to myself and my family is worthwhile.

Test yourself What's your risk for prostate cancer?

A study that I came across at the time, which dealt with the quality of life after treatment by three methods — surgery, radiation and brachytherapy — convinced me to reject surgery. It was a toss up between the other two. I also felt that watchful waiting was a reasonable alternative. Since it was caught at an early stage, I figured that I might just die of something else before the cancer spread to the bones. At that point I informed my family of my condition and of my decision. Eventually the oncologist with whom I had been consulting discouraged further waiting and insisted that I start one of the two treatments. Her argument against further waiting was my otherwise excellent health; she felt that I had many years ahead of me and that the cancer would get me in the end. Then she went on to describe what a lousy death it would be. I set appointments for both brachytherapy and for external beam radiation, but went for the latter only because I got an earlier date for that.

It is over five years since the treatment was completed. I'm still here. I feel fine; I don't leak at all and thanks to Viagra/Cialis, sex still works. My PSA never dropped to 0. It has hovered around 2.0 during the entire period and my oncologist, who continues to watch over me very closely, thinks that I can stay that way for a while yet.
— M., Tel Aviv, Israel

Although the general tone of the writers you chose to print in (the last) "readers share" section were all very positive, the majority of prostate cancer survivors don't have the wonderful results of your reports. I was diagnosed and treated at age 49. Eighteen months later I still leak slightly and wear a pad every day. Some days there's nothing and other days a quarter cup of urine. I never feel confident enough not to wear a pad. The embarrassment would be too much. Erectile dysfunction is still a problem too. Injections have been the only successful treatment for me. One side effect I haven't seen you present is penile atrophy. About 20 percent of patients undergoing radical prostatectomy suffer this. I went from a baseline of 6 inches to 4 inches. It knocks the hell out of your confidence even when the injections finally worked. Patients trying to make the choice of treatment should also be advised of this possibility.
— Anonymous

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