Parenting showdown: Moms vs. dads

12 Tips Keep Arguments from "Snow-balling":
Don't Play Good Cop - Bad Cop
Kids need to know that both parents mean business. Both you and your spouse should be willing to discipline, and consistent with each other when you do. Consistency is the root of good discipline. This is even more important in the case of divorce—clear ground rules should be set and followed no matter whom your child is with.

Fight the Battles That Matter to You the Most
Sometimes one parent is better at dealing with certain situations or prescribing certain punishments. If this is the case, feel free to split up the workload. Pick a few non-negotiable points: Each parent gets a list of 5 non-negotiable points that you agree to respect for each other: whether no cartoons before school, milk instead of juice, or no driving with friends at night or after parties.

Know That Parenting Style Disagreements Bound To Happen
Disagreeing about discipline—or any of the other parenting issues that inevitably come up on a daily basis—is something we all experience along the way, no matter how much we see eye-to-eye on most things.

Recognize How Parental Fighting Affects Children
When faced with an unexpected situation, don't argue with your spouse about what to do in front of your child. This brings the focus away from your child's misbehavior and discipline to the fight you and your spouse are having. If you see an argument with each other brewing, have your child sit in their room and wait for you to come talk to them about the situation, or let them know that a mutually agreed upon punishment will be handed out at a later time.

Be Respectful of Your Partner's Views
You may think your partner's suggestion is ridiculous, but he or she probably has a good reason to back it up. Be respectful and listen rather than getting angry and immediately assuming that you're right. Discuss options you both can buy into before making a decision.

Hold Your Tongue
If your five-year old son kicks his sister and your husband loses his temper and sends him crying to his room, it's probably not a good idea to follow after your son and let him free, since you think time-outs won't work with him. Let the punishment stand instead of sending a mixed signal, but have a talk with your spouse later and let him know when you want to make a decision together.

Call a Family Meeting
When your child is older, family meetings can be held to deal with issues that arise. Involving your child in a conversation is a good way for them to learn to discuss matters maturely, and everyone will understand how everyone else feels about the situation. Obviously, you'll make the final decision, but it might be useful for your teenager to tell you what punishment she thinks she deserves for going out when you told her she couldn't and why, and for you to explain to her how concerned you were.

Keep the Focus on Your Child
Sometimes the type of punishment that one parent favors simply won't work for your child—they may be too young to understand or stay in a time-out, or perhaps sending them to their room does no good, as they keep all of their favorite toys there. When disagreeing about discipline, make sure you're first and foremost considering what will work best for your child.

Compromise
If you can't agree on standard rule for everything, be willing to compromise once in awhile. Take your husband's suggestion on an issue you don't feel as strongly about in return for him taking your suggestion next time. Just like everything else in a marriage, talking and compromising is key.

Form a United Front
Even when it took you and your spouse two hours to agree on a strategy, don't let your child know. If they see that you are both on the same page, they won't try to play you off each other, as children often do with parents.

Plan Ahead
Just like you stocked up on diapers and outfits before your child was born, discipline is something you can prepare for. Obviously you can't anticipate every situation, but you can sit down with your spouse and agree on some of the more basic or important disciplinary issues. As your children get older, make sure the rules are made clear to them as well—before they break them. Discuss with your partner about how you both respond to your child's meltdowns or misbehavior, and make sure you both ho your child to similar rules and uses complementary styles of discipline.

Look at Discipline as a Process
Families learn and grow as they go. If you find something doesn't work for you, change it next time. Don't be afraid to reevaluate your approaches.

Eventually with enough sidebar discussions, dinners out together to talk things over, and some parental humor thrown into the mix, you will find a system that works for you!

Best-selling author Stacy DeBroff is the founder and President of Mom Central, Inc. Visit Mom Central for more tips and articles on parenting.

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