Sex, love and dating after 50

Whether you're looking to wake-up a tired sex life, start a new relationship, explore cyber-dating, indulge in a four-hand massage, flirt with gigolos on vacation, or commit to the love of your life, you can find tempting tips and genuinely helpful guidance in, “Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years,” by Dr. Pepper Schwartz. Here's an excerpt:

How Did I Get Here?

Asking questions
Dear Dr. Pepper: I am a single woman, divorced after 23 years of marriage, with my kids off to college. Ideally, I would like to have a serious relationship, but if that isn’t around the corner, I still want sex and companionship. I find myself in a world of chat-room hookups, cybermatchmaking, and coconut-flavored glow-in-the-dark condoms. I feel as sexually alive as I did when I was 25, but the number and availability of men for me has changed. How do I look for a life partner and enjoy sexual adventures along the way? Oh, yes, and did I mention that I really enjoy sex? Advice, please. Sincerely, A Single Sexologist in Seattle

After three decades of answering  people’s questions about their emotional, sexual, and romantic lives, after writing numerous books on sex and relationships, after thirty-five years as a professor of sociology at the University of Washington, you would think I could come up with an easy answer to my own question. The situation was at least humorous and in no small part ironic. I had plenty of good advice for women in my situation based on solid scientific research. But I had not always followed what I knew to be the best course since my own divorce. Still, I am five years older than when I left my husband, and I think a wiser person than the woman who reentered the singles scene after almost a quarter of a century as a married woman.

A special time, place, and situation
Here I am on a teak lounge chair, west of Kuta Beach on Bali, which is one of the most romantic islands on earth. I am thinking about what I want out of my life and from men. Bali is my muse for this reverie and she never ceases to inspire me. This is an island that celebrates the senses. Hospitality and massage are honed to fine arts. Perhaps most important, the island is enduringly attractive and easy to live on, at least in part because it’s a place where a single woman can feel safe strolling the beaches and villages. I can even banter and flirt with local men of all ages and not worry that anything unwanted is going to happen.

On this island, if my last two trips here were any indication, I will soon find myself in a place I rarely get to spend much my time — the reflective, contemplative present. I’m usually speeding through life, juggling appointments, putting out fires, and scheduling for the near and far future. The prospect of trimming away all of that for a while is exciting.

My friend interrupts my soul-searching.

“Enjoying the guide book?” asks the tall, trim man with salt-and pepper hair.

Dom has returned from his postlunch stroll down the beach. He is a welcome break from my what am I doing with my life? train of thought. Dominic is in the top tier of my favorite traveling companions. When I told him I needed support for the book I was writing, he suggested that he was the man for the job. I agreed and he signed up to accompany me to Bali for two weeks while I finished it. My first thought as I look at him striding toward me is that he has come to get me to take a walk with him. That’s usually fun since we are quite the sight together:

He is about six-foot-four and I don’t quite reach five feet. But Dom is worried that I have been rushing around too much and he is on a program to slow me down.

“It’s so good to finally be here at the same time,” Dom says. He looks rested and tan, and I can see that his week on Bali prior to my arrival has been calming and rejuvenating.

“I’m going to get us some cold water. I’ll be right back,” Dom says. “I want you to enjoy this peaceful afternoon and just unwind after your long night. By tomorrow you’ll feel fantastic.”

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