If you’re having a hard time reaching the Big O, you’re hardly alone! Studies show that about 10 percent of women have never experienced an orgasm, and 50 percent of women have had trouble getting aroused at some point.

So why are so many women having trouble climaxing? And what can men do to help women reach orgasm?  Dr. Gail Saltz and Dr. Drew Pinsky tackle these tough questions and dispense their expert advice:

Q: Why are some women able to achieve an orgasm easier than other women?

Dr. Gail: There is a real range when it comes to women having orgasms. There is likely a biologic difference between women (though exactly what that is is not known), but some women have a lower threshold for orgasm and some higher, which reflects differences in sensitivity.

There is a big psychological difference between women in that some women are more uninhibited than others and can let themselves go without guilt or shame and this makes it easier for them to have an orgasm. Anxiety interferes both psychologically and biologically (in the brain by blocking certain neural pathways) with reaching a climax.

Lastly, there are differences in education levels about the body and sex; some women simply know a lot more about how to have an orgasm than others.

Q: Are men and women wired differently in terms of how they achieve an orgasm?

Dr. Gail: Women take on average 20 minutes of stimulation and arousal to have an orgasm.  Men take quite a bit less. Women also have more variation in what they find to be stimulating as well as having more difficulty defining exactly where and how stimulation works best. Only 20 percent of women are able to orgasm with intercourse alone, most women need some sort of direct clitoral stimulation.

Dr. Drew: Yes, men and women are wired differently, moreover women are wired differently from each other. Many times women will feel as though they are flawed because they are not living up to a certain standard of climaxing. Men make it worse because they generalize what’s needed to make a woman climax. Often men believe women are the same, and once they figure what works for one woman they apply that same method to all the other women they are intimate with, and that’s one of the major problems.

• 50-60% of women will never have an orgasm via intercourse and will require clitoral stimulation to climax.
• 30% of women will have a reliable orgasm with intercourse.
• 10% of women will orgasm with intercourse and could possibly have sequential orgasms.
• 5% of women have true multiple orgasms only through intercourse and these women typically find oral sex uncomfortable.

Q: What are factors that could contribute to a woman having a hard time or not achieving an orgasm at all?

Dr. Gail: Many things can interfere with a woman’s ability to have an orgasm — some medications (antidepressants and antihistamines are big offenders), anxiety, depression, alcohol (more than a little), old myths and inhibitions about it being wrong or scary to enjoy sex, hormonal changes.

Of course, sex really means pleasuring yourself and your partner and this does not necessarily include having an orgasm. Sex can be fun and wonderful without. However, many woman find the release of orgasm to be an important component and many men are really excited and gratified by their partner reaching orgasm.

Dr. Drew: Genetics could play a role. There is a tremendous amount of genetic information in the XX chromosomes. As a result, a woman’s genes could make it more difficult to orgasm during sex. Medications can lower a woman’s sex drive and interfere with a woman’s ability to climax. These medications include antidepressants, birth control pills and hormone medications. I only know of three antidepressants that do not interfere with a woman’s sexual function.

Menopause, perimenopause, childbirth and breast-feeding can all cause a woman’s sex drive to shut down. A woman’s emotional state is another factor. If a woman is tired or stressed out or preoccupied, all of these emotions could make it harder for her to climax.

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