‘Beauty and the Geek’ winner’s field guide to geeks

It takes one to know one — and not all are created equal. Josh Herman, winner of Beauty and the Geek: Season 2, tells Tango how to ID a variety of breeds.

The Manga/Comic Book Geek (Akira kryptonium)
Markings: Ink-stained fingers, Wolverine Underoos.

Indigenous to: San Diego Comic-Con — an annual convention featuring anime, toys, superheroes and overweight men in Superman T-shirts.

Mating call: “Looks like we’ll need a Comic-Condom!”

If approached: Be prepared to discuss who would win in a Batman vs. Spider-Man fight.

The Sci-Fi Geek (Trekkie matrixus)
Markings: Well-worn original Battlestar Galactica T-shirt, DVD boxed sets.

Indigenous to: Midnight-before-opening-day movie screenings.

Mating call: “You know, my framed Star Wars posters aren’t the only thing in this room that are well hung.”

If approached: Refrain from making any sudden movements around their limited edition X-Files, Lost, or Babylon 5 figurines.

The Computer/IT Geek (Macrosoftos)
Markings: Pale skin, carpal tunnel syndrome.

Indigenous to: Basements, Internet cafés, anywhere they can steal a Wi-Fi connection.

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Mating call: “URAQT WTGP F2F?” Translation: You Are a Cutie, Want to Go Private Face to Face?

If approached: You won’t be, but your computer might. Know the difference between Windows, Leopard, and Linux. If he compliments your As, Bs, Cs, or Ds, save the blushing — he’s discussing disk drives.

The Science/Math Geek (Pythagoras MITulis)
Markings: Lab coat, TI-89 Titanium Calculator, pen marks on hands.

Indigenous to: College labs, secret science clubs, open-to-the-public lectures.

Mating call: “Baby, you’ve got more curves than an Erlenmeyer flask.”

If approached: Know your Poincaré Conjecture from your string theory. Or don’t. As all these are theories, just say everything with conviction, or “Maybe it doesn’t make sense—in this dimension.”

The Gamer Geek (Halo-tosis)
Markings: Cracking thumbs, Mountain Dew breath, Cheetos residue on fingertips.

Indigenous to: E3, the Electronic Entertainment Expo — an annual tradeshow of games and consoles. Also found monopolizing the Best Buy gaming station.

Mating call: “Wanna hook up your Wii to my plasma TV?”

If approached: It’s safer to come between a mother grizzly and her cubs than a Gamer Geek and his TV. To be safe, always carry copies of Halo 3, Guitar Hero and God of War.

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