‘Sea change’ seen in spouses’ financial roles

“The male ego as head of household seems to have diminished to the point of disappearance,” said Rosanna Hertz, chair of women’s studies at Wellesley College and one of the researchers involved in the Elle/msnbc.com study. “However, men are still dragging their feet in terms of domestic responsibilities.”

Still, that doesn’t mean they would prefer it if their wives were tending to the house full time.

One quarter of men surveyed said that their wives aren’t working, but 40 percent of those men wish she did. Of the approximately 75 percent of men whose wives did work, only 5 percent wished she was at home.

Experts attribute that in part to men not wanting to bear the sole burden of providing for their families. In fact, 35 percent of men and 40 percent of women surveyed said a key benefit of having a spouse make money is that it alleviates the pressure of being the only financial provider.

“It is a very tough era to be a sole breadwinner,” Lever noted.

Coontz said she thinks men also may enjoy the intellectual stimulation of a working spouse, and not want to “come home to a wife who was frequently either bored or boring.”

“Nowadays I think more men and women than ever before want to be friends rather than (follow) gender roles,” she said.

Still, some women may be working harder than they’d like because of today’s economic realities. The survey showed that 19 percent of women would work less if her partner earned more, compared with only 7 percent of men.

New rules, new problems
Modern financial setups also can breed other stresses.

When Janet Alexander got remarried about five years ago, it was with the agreement that she would continue working in part to support her two kids from a previous marriage, while he would retire early and enjoy golfing, fishing and other hobbies.

But despite their resolve to keep finances separate, Alexander, 54, said financial issues have spilled over in part because her husband, 59, gets stressed about paying the bills on his retirement income. She said she feels resentful because she’s still working and contributes her share.

“He pays the bills and fusses — and fusses and fusses and fusses,” she said. “And it makes me feel very awkward because I feel as though I’m doing my part.”

While the unexpected money stress has impacted their love life, she thinks the couple also has the benefit of experience in dealing with matters of finance and the heart.

“If we were a young couple we probably would not make it, but we have wisdom, age, experience and commitment on our side,” she said.

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