Ariane de Bonvoisin, author and founder of First30Days, has worked on helping people deal with any and every change. Her book aims to help readers get through transitions, big and small. An excerpt from "The First 30 Days: Your Guide to Any Life Change (and Loving Your Life More)."

Chapter 1

Change Your View of Change: Beliefs can make all the difference

Principle 1: People who navigate change successfully have positive beliefs

Your biggest need right now is to develop new beliefs: about yourself, about this change and about life in general. Nothing will have a bigger impact on the way you move through change.

What you believe about change — and about yourself — will be the major filter for how you get through your current transition, whether you’re in day one, day thirty, or years past the start of the change. A belief is something you think is true. It can be very strongly engrained, like a conviction; or weaker, like something you happen to think is correct. This means that if you believe that change is difficult and terrible, you will likely have a difficult and terrible time. The beliefs you have about who you are also directly affect how you feel during change. Are you strong and capable, or unsure and fearful?

There are some striking differences between people who are good at change and those who struggle. People who embrace change — the people I like to call change optimists — think: Change is good. Change is about growing, and something exciting may be waiting for me on the other side of this transition. They believe that change brings something new into their lives and that change always serves somehow. When change is thrust upon them or when they need to initiate a change on their own, these optimistic people try to make the best of the situation by looking for the positive.

The people I have met who fear change usually believe that change is hard, that it brings up all of their anxieties and insecurities, and that it takes forever. They also think that they are unlucky if tough change comes into their lives, and that they will be paralyzed, stressed and unable to move past it.

Can you see the difference in these two ways of viewing the world?

Which one sounds familiar to you?

The quickest way to take control during change is first to become aware of what your mind is feeding you and then to make a concerted effort to choose better thoughts and beliefs. Start to notice what you most often think and say to yourself — and to others. For example, if you break up with someone, you may believe you will be single forever because you are not attractive or worthy of a committed partner. If you get sick, you may believe that the illness is permanent and that you will never feel better. If you try to lose weight, you may believe you will fail yet again. And if you lose your home in a hurricane, you may believe you will never be happy or comfortable again. These are all beliefs you have created in your own mind.

The good news is that we can identify and bust the myths and fears that we have about change. We have a choice about what things mean to us. We create our distortions and our truths. They are part of the software that runs the computer inside our head. We all have the same hard drive, but each of us has unique programs that control our life. Once we have identified the most dominant programs (beliefs) running on our computer, we have the ability to drag the negative ones into the trash and replace them with beliefs that will serve us better. We can see this in the person who was fired and quickly moved on to a better job versus the person who wallowed for years in unemployed misery. Or the cancer survivor who used the illness to find a renewed love of life versus the survivor who is still full of fear and uncertainty. The difference between these people is the beliefs that they hold.

The Change Manifesto

An Optimist’s Beliefs About Change

Change is a good thing.

Change is part of life and happens to everyone.

Change is an opportunity for me to grow.

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