While some parents are creating their own MySpace pages to keep up with their kids, many don't understand the social-networking site and its allure for adolescents.

Stories such as today's "Mom indicted in MySpace suicide case" and others that tie the site to sexual predators, cyberbullying and teen suicide can make this unfamiliar youth hangout all the more frightening for parents. Fortunately, psychologists say, most children don’t encounter trouble on social-networking sites. Many kids, they say, have beneficial experiences on MySpace, which can actually help children through the awkward stage that is adolescence.

That’s what I reported in a recent story, “MySpace can help bring shy kids out of their shells.” Being socially challenged can make an adolescent feel even more alien, but finding accepting pals can come easier online. Virtual relationships, in turn, can boost kids’ confidence and social lives, making life a little bit better in the real world.

The story generated about 70 e-mails from readers, ranging from parents who don’t sweat MySpace to those who swear it off. But I mainly heard from parents who are unsure about how to handle MySpace with their kids. Should they cybersnoop on their children? Should they forbid older “friends”? Should they ban MySpace altogether?

I took their questions to three experts for parental guidance. Larry D. Rosen, a psychology professor at California State University, Dominguez Hills, recently authored a parenting book, "Me, MySpace and I," on the topic. Laurence Steinberg, a psychology professor at Temple University in Philadelphia, wrote "You and Your Adolescent." C.J. Pascoe, a sociologist at the University of California, Berkeley, researches how new media has become central to teen life.

The key, they say, to successfully parenting a MySpacer seems to involve striking a balance. Parents should talk to their children about safety, and also check their children's profile while sitting with them at the computer. But they should  also grant young adults the freedom needed to develop into individuals.

Experts warn that taking MySpace away just makes the site all the more seductive for today's tech-savvy kids, who will find a workaround. Also, cyberspying driven by fear of MySpace, rather than a child's bad behavior, can break the trust between a parent and child and create a rift in their relationship.

Here's what the experts said to some of the questions that were submitted:

Forbid older ‘friends’?
“My older teens, I allowed them to go online and use their real photographs because back then it seemed like not that many people were online, so it didn’t matter. With my younger teens, I set up new rules. They could go online, but no real names ever, no photos, no older 'friends,' etc. I don't check and I hope it's OK, but my little one already met an older friend age 23; she's 13 and we are dealing with that. So obviously, it's not working.” — Susan, Fla.

Rosen: At this point, it’s time for a family meeting. I bet one of the things this mother hasn’t done is told the kid: "I have complete access to what you're doing. I can walk by the computer and ask what you're doing. If I discover you are showing me only part of what you are doing, here are the consequences." Consequences should start out small and build. They should be spelled out. The way you set consequences is by what’s really important to this person. Obviously the important thing to this person is being online: Lose half an hour, lose two hours. Also, where is the computer? It’s not a right to have a computer in the kid's room; it’s a privilege.

Pascoe: I would say, "I need to meet this person before you meet them offline." Unless you’ve seen a problem arise already, setting a rule of you can’t talk to a person of X age won't help if the child hasn't done anything wrong yet. Nothing bad might come of a virtual relationship. I see kids on role-playing sites or Harry Potter sites having inter-generational, productive friendships.

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