Friends with bad online behavior?
"My daughter has friends on her MySpace that have some inappropriate stuff on their own pages. I did request her to remove one of them. Just about all of her friend's pages are fine.  Should I tell her to remove the ones I don't approve of, or should I just talk to her about what is inappropriate?" — Erin Sweet, R.I.

Pascoe: The mom shouldn’t have her daughter remove her friend. That can cause a huge amount of embarrassment for someone. You can’t hold your child responsible for what their friends do. Talk to them about why that content might be inappropriate, why she might be doing that and why your daughter is making good decisions for not doing that.

Rosen: If you tell your kid to remove a friend, they’ll find a way to get that friend back. Talk to your kid about what worries you. You might find out that your kid is just as appalled. Maybe your kid is getting something positive from that kid. I applaud this mother for considering the option of talking to her child. Ninety-nine percent of parents would just consider the first choice. If parents remove friends from their kid's MySpace, kids will add them on Facebook. You can’t stop kids technologically, but you can parentally.

Balance school and MySpace?
"My son has been failing in school and I think it's because he's been spending too much time on MySpace. I've tried taking away his computer, but he still manages to get online! How can I prevent him from being distracted from his schoolwork?" — Julie, New York City

Rosen: Using the computer should be contingent on his homework being done. If he completes an hour of homework, he gets X amount of time on the computer. If he’s getting on the computer anyway, it’s incumbent on the parent that he can only get on through the parent’s access code. This is a tough one, because kids sneak around. You need to make sure he understands if you find out he gets on, he’s going to lose some of that time. Kids are trying to tell us something, MySpace is really important to me. Parents who just yank stuff away, kids are going to hate them. Time on the computer has to be monitored and with a clock. The computer has to be shut down; if not, here are consequences. Don’t make the consequences yourself. Negotiate. Let them win a little.

Steinberg: Put time limits on it. The same way you would respond to TV, video games or butterfly collecting. School is the most important thing for kids at that age. Parents are not powerless to how kids spend their time. It’s more effective to agree to a certain hours a day. You have to get your homework done first;. you have to maintain good grades.

Ban MySpace?
“My son has not once, but on two different occasions, not only met his girlfriend online but has also traveled to see them. The first one was OK. About three months ago, he met this girl that stood for everything he had been taught to stand against. He is 18 so I was limited in what I could do. He bought a bus ticket and traveled to Florida to meet her. Bottom line, he almost went to jail three times in one day because of her. He is now about to come home and my first instinct is to cut all ties to MySpace completely. Do I just take it away from the 18-year-old? I'm not convinced he has learned a lesson from this just yet, so I don't think I can trust him.” — Anonymous, Baton Rouge, La.

Rosen: First of all, do not take Internet access away. It doesn’t work. It doesn’t matter if they’re 18 or 14. He’ll find a way to get on at a friend's house, a public place, an Internet café. The appropriate thing to do with an 18-year-old who could do whatever he wants is tell him: “You are living in my home, you are living by my rules.” There are different consequences for an 18-year-old than a 14-year-old. It depends on what kind of control you have. If the 18 year old is paying rent, the consequences have to do with money. “I’m going to charge you $500 to stay here, if I see you're doing X, Y and Z, I’ll raise or lower it $100.” Rewarding them for the kind of behavior you want is more likely to work. Couple that with punishment; the two work better than the parts. Create a behavioral contract in writing, a list of how behaviors are rewarded and punished.

Pascoe: The son's problems are pre-existing. Parents can’t fix problems by blaming the Internet. I don’t think forbidding kids from using the technology will, either. She can forbid him from using MySpace, but that’s not going to stop him from seeking out trouble. The son has poor decision-making skills. MySpace allows another arena from which to make poor decisions. They need to get at the heart of the problem.

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