Myth: As you both get older, sex will simply stop mattering to you and your husband.

TV sitcoms notwithstanding, the idea that midlife couples settle into sexual hibernation just isn’t true. In fact, many report that intimacy improves as the years go by. After all, once they get through their early-relationship trials and errors, Sollee says, “they find a sexual style that makes them both happy.” And for many wives, sex certainly doesn’t deteriorate in midlife. On the contrary: In a recent British study, 64 percent of women surveyed attested that after they reached menopause, their sex lives either stayed on course or got even better.

What makes intimacy more satisfying is the comfort married couples develop with talking about what doesn’t work for them and — perhaps more important — what does. In fact, psychologists at Dalhousie University in Canada recently found that partners’ communication about what they wanted sexually was linked to their being happy with the sex itself.

New rule: There’s no reason you won’t grow more sexually connected.

Since talking about sex is key to sexual satisfaction itself, make it a priority this weekend — regardless of whether you think your sex life is already OK or not. Naturally, even if you both communicate perfectly well about everything else under the sun, it may feel awkward or even embarrassing to suddenly start giving your husband explicit sexual pointers. So ease into the subject. If it occurs to you that you’ve done it exactly the same way 33 times in a row, you could say, “I can’t remember the last time we made love with the lights on, can you?” Sexual reminiscing may not lead to a romantic interlude, but it will get you talking. And the safer each of you feels in expressing what you like and don’t like, the easier it is to make adjustments that can ramp up the sexual satisfaction on both sides of the bed.

Myth: When the kids leave home, there will be nothing left to keep your marriage together.

Most parents have pangs of sadness when the kids are finally gone, moments when the house seems impossibly quiet or they catch themselves having a lengthy chat with the cat. And some couples really do struggle — but many renew their commitment to each other. “With the kids out of the house, marriages can bloom — when there is a sense of shared purpose,” Gottman says. That communion can sometimes get pushed aside in the daily round of raising a family and making a living. “Some couples may have let that feeling of togetherness die,” he explains. “Then it’s not the kids’ leaving the nest that somehow makes their marriages seem empty. They’ve already been empty a long time, and when the children leave home, the couple finally notices.”

But for many husbands and wives, “marital satisfaction actually goes up once the kids are gone,” says James Bray, Ph.D., a psychologist at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston. After an adjustment period of six to 12 months, spouses often realize that they have more leisure time, more money, and more freedom to re-engage with each other. And without children in the house, there’s often less cause for conflicts.

New rule: Your marriage can flourish in that new freedom.

When your kids move out, keep your life full and your relationship central. Compile lists of what you and your husband can do now that you couldn’t before, suggests Bray, whether it’s traveling to Tahiti or having sex on the sofa. “Celebrate! You’ve succeeded in raising independent adults,” he says, “and now you have the opportunity to decide what to do next. Will you get more involved in town politics? Learn to tango? Go out to dinner more often?” Whatever it is, make sure it’s something you both enjoy as you rediscover each other.

Myth: Every guy has a midlife crisis — any day, your spouse will drive off in a new red sports car.

It’s true that men sometimes do crazy things when they reach a certain age. You may feel like snickering at some of their attempts to regain their lost youth, like the balding executive who gets a spanking-new Harley — or a much younger girlfriend. Such drastic changes are fortunately far from commonplace outside the soaps, but psychologists say that most of us will go through a period of midlife reevaluation.

New rule: It’s not a crisis — and it’s not just for men.

Actually, this period of reexamination is a healthy part of development. As people move into their 40s, 50s, and beyond, their perspectives shift. Careers may plateau or take off in unexpected new directions. The first serious health problem may come along, or a parent may die and spur you to rethink your priorities. All of these are natural, inevitable transitions, and the best approach to dealing with them is to learn what you can and follow where they lead you. Fortunately, most people do: A recent poll by volunteermatch.org found that more than half of those over 55 are looking forward to starting new chapters in their lives.

More and more the phrase “midlife crisis” is being swapped for “reinvention”; all across America, you can hear men and women talking about their second acts. But rarely do they mean a full-scale life overhaul. More often they’re contemplating ways to make more time for what they already love. Men who have done a little woodworking take on a deck redesign; women who have always wanted more time to get in shape sign up for their first triathlon.

Not only are these course corrections good for us as individuals, they also seem to invigorate our relationships. People in their 40s and 50s feel they have more control over their work, their finances, and their marriages, reports a multi-university study. Some crisis, huh? Instead of worrying about his issues, focus on whether you’re ripe for reinvention yourself. Rediscover your priorities, and above all, don’t feel you’re being selfish by pursuing your passion: What’s good for you is good for your marriage, too.

For more tips like these, visit goodhousekeeping.com.

More from TODAY Your letters to the next president 9 ways to lose weight without dieting 12 power foods to shrink your gut 10 lies women tell their doctors | Vote Once heckled as ‘fatso,’ she lost 177 lbs. A-plus! Makeover for math teacher   See haunted destinations (if you dare)   Animal Tracks | More photos

MORE FROM RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships Section Front

Married? Stay ‘sexually confident’ Love and war: He's deployed, his wife is flirting Are there people who can’t fall in love? See the signs: Is he straying? Quiz: Is he cheating on you? Might as well face it: Addicted to porn? ‘My father is cheating on my mother’ Want to stand by your man? Quit working Stay-at-home moms: Risking everything? Have you cheated on your wife? Relationships Section Front   Add Relationships headlines to your news reader: