When Father's Day is a double celebration
Gay couple's adoption of 3 brothers is part of a growing trend
Meet the Brothers Z: 4-year-old twins Zach and Zayn, and their younger sibling Zeth, fast approaching 3. In many ways, they are typical denizens of the hilly suburban neighborhood where they have lived most of their lives. They spend their days in preschool while their parents both work in the telecom industry. The family owns an SUV and a pickup. They shop at Costco and go to church on Sundays. They work in the yard. They watch Disney movies on their big-screen TV.
But Father’s Day will be a double celebration at their house because the brothers have two daddies — Geoffery and Devin, foster parents for the boys for three years before adopting them.
“All we’re trying to do is raise three healthy boys to be participants in society,” said Geoffery, Devin’s partner for a decade.
That’s a modest description for what the county judge who finalized the adoption in December called an act of heroism. The boys, taken from substance-abusing and incarcerated biological parents, faced long odds against growing up together. Given their treatment by the birth parents, there were far more questions than answers about physical and emotional issues that might arise for them down the road.
"You are heroes in our community," Judge Mary Yu said, beaming from the bench while the boys frolicked about the courtroom, the whole family decked out in red-and-white Mickey Mouse ski sweaters. “Who’s going to assume the burden of taking care of children like this, children who possibly have been neglected or set aside in some way? … People like you, who step up. Thank you.”
Some states bar gay adoption
While the adoption was facilitated by the state and lauded by the legal system in Western Washington, it divides Americans along political and religious lines and would have been prohibited by law in some other states simply because Devin and Geoffery are gay.
Devin and Geoffery, both 44, can celebrate Father’s Day on Sunday secure in the knowledge that their ranks are growing. Gay, lesbian and bisexual people across the nation are pushing for parental rights and increasingly are seen as a valuable resource by the child welfare system in dealing with the tens of thousands of American children who need foster and adoptive homes. And while they are nagged by recurring attempts by political and religious interests to rally followers around anti-gay issues, they are generally too busy juggling juice boxes and car seats to notice.
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The couple, who asked that their last name be withheld for security reasons, decided to become parents about five years into their relationship, which began in January 1999 when they met online and discovered they both lived in Oklahoma. Devin’s previous relationship had ended with the death of his partner from AIDS, and Geoffery and his lover of five years had broken up. They moved in together three months later and by summer had decided to start a new life together in Seattle. They liked the region’s beauty, its economic opportunities and its tolerance.
Empowered by marriage ceremony
In 2004, when a county in the neighboring state of Oregon began allowing gay marriages, they rushed to Portland to tie the knot. Although Oregon voters later nullified those marriages with a constitutional ban, the ceremony “was kind of empowering for us, to feel that we really were a family,” Devin recalled. Their union has since been recorded under Washington’s 2007 domestic partner registry, which gives them many — but far from all — of the rights and responsibilities of marriage.
Their musings about adding children to their family turned into action six months later when, having ruled out a surrogate birth, Devin went online to research adoption and found a 3-year-old boy who “looked just like Geoffery.” They were told by adoption counselors that the boy would certainly be spoken for by the time they went through the application process, and he was, but “he was the catalyst that started the process,” says Geoffery.
The next five months brought reams of paperwork, background checks, classroom and home study to prepare them for parenting. By the time they were done, they had decided they wanted to adopt two kids, siblings, Devin said, because “they would form attachment between the two of them that would allow them to attach to us.”
Geoffery even had his heart set on twins so they told their adoption worker they hoped to adopt “twins, twin boys, or twin boy and girl, under 2. And she said, ‘That’s a nice fairytale, but don’t expect it.’”
In February 2005, however, the fairytale came true. They were asked to become foster parents for the twins, then 13 months old. At the same time, they were told that the boys’ mom was pregnant again and asked if they’d consider adopting their little brother. A little over three months after getting the first call, they were a family of five.
Because there had been some possibility of the birth mother or another relative keeping Zeth, “We didn’t do a whole lot to prepare,” Devin said. Suddenly, “they called us and said, ‘The baby’s going to come home with you. Come to the hospital and get him.’”
“They gave us a disposable bottle with two bottles of formula and two diapers,” Geoffery said. “And that was it.”
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