In his new book, “Life Strategies for Dealing With Bullies,” Jay McGraw writes about how and why kids become bullies, and what victims can do to stop harassment. In this excerpt, he discusses a growing trend: “cyberbullying.”

Chapter two: E-Bullying
Sandra hadn’t spoken to Lynn in weeks. The two had been pretty good friends up until they had gotten into an argument at another friend’s house. Someone told Lynn that Sandra was spreading rumors about her. Sandra knew this wasn’t true and told Lynn. But Lynn didn’t believe her.

Sandra is hurt that Lynn won’t talk to her, but she hopes Lynn will get over it. But then one evening, Sandra signs on to her MySpace page and reads a bunch of mean messages that Lynn has written about her. She’s called Sandra names, made fun of her clothes, and even dissed Sandra’s parents and family.

Pretty soon Lynn is leaving messages about Sandra every few days. She tells mean jokes about Sandra and even gets some of her friends to write bad stuff. She also starts sending nasty text messages to Sandra’s cell phone, calling her “liar” and “cow.”

Sandra grows more and more frightened by Lynn’s behavior. She has known Lynn for a long time, but she didn’t know she could be so mean. Sandra begins to wonder who else is reading the messages and whether people who don’t really know her believe these things. She begins to stay away from places where Lynn might be and hangs out less with her friends.

But it just gets worse. Lynn begins posting even meaner things about Sandra on her own site. She and some older boys post ugly drawings of Sandra and spread rumors about her.

Even after Sandra takes her own Web page down, the online attacks continue. Night after night, Sandra goes to Lynn’s website and sees new insults and cruel jokes. There are even some threats, including a few that are really scary. Sandra notices how some girls at school are starting to stare at her. And of course, the text messages keep getting worse.

Sandra tries to keep quiet about the incidents. She doesn’t want to show how the insults hurt her, but it hurts too much. After about two months of putting up with the website, and weeks of crying alone in her room, Sandra finally tells her mother about it. Her mom contacts Lynn’s parents the next afternoon. Lynn’s mom has never paid much attention to her daughter’s online activities, but when she hears about what her daughter has been doing, she makes Lynn take her site down and apologize to Sandra. She also demands that the text messages stop. They do.

Lynn and Sandra never become friends again. They stop talking and avoid each other as much as possible. Sandra has a tough time patching things up with some of the other kids who’d joined in. Sandra was accused of some very mean things, and some of the kids believed the lies. It will take a long time for Sandra to get her good name back.

Online bullying (also known as “cyberbullying”) is a newer form of bullying than the others we have talked about. Online bullying involves using the Internet to attack, insult, threaten, and spread rumors about other people. As more kids spend time in chat rooms and on message boards and other places on the Web, some of them take their conflicts with other children online too. Bullies like to have an audience watching them while they act out. Technology has given them a bigger audience than ever before.

Fast fact: The number of children reporting online harassment has gone up by 50 percent since 2000. (Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)

Once children were pushed around mostly on the neighborhood playground or the schoolyard. When it comes to bullying nowadays, though, the Internet has made the playground a whole lot bigger.

Cyberbullying also makes it easier for bullies to hide their identities. As a result, online bullies aren’t always the biggest or toughest kids in the neighborhood or at the school. Sometimes bullies who harass other children online are just kids filled with anger or hatred, who think that the Internet gives them the best way to express their feelings. Of course, online bullying can also just be another outlet for people who are involved in other, more direct forms of bullying. A child who is bullied online often has to deal with other forms of bullying too. And it’s usually from the same child or group of children involved in the online conflict.

Cyberbullying can take a lot of different forms. In Sandra’s case, there were two clear examples of cyberbullying: First Lynn and others left nasty messages about her on personal websites. More and more kids are creating websites that involve some form of attacks on other children: sites that “rate” other children, sites where people post hurtful messages and images, and sites that give personal information about others that can be used to embarrass them.

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