Used socks, old candy: Holiday gift horrors

Used socks, unsolicited gym memberships, half-eaten boxes of candy, unwanted self-help books ... bad, offensive — and downright cruel — gifts are as ubiquitous as blaring Christmas music this time of year.

Nearly everyone boasts an unbelievable story of how a family member or co-worker shamed them with a gift of truly remarkable insensitivity. And while many presents are subjectively “good” or “bad” (she might actually want a Dirt Devil or that “Two and a Half Men” DVD set), there are several taboo areas — weight loss, relationships, body image — that are best kept out of the holiday gift-giving experience.

A good rule to follow: Don’t give anything that suggests a desperate need of change.

“When in doubt, give a gift that is tried and true,” said TODAY lifestyle contributor Elizabeth Mayhew. She recommends safe items like cashmere, stationery or a favorite book. “My rule of thumb is that you should never give something to someone that you wouldn't want for yourself.”

Unfortunately, with egg nog binge-drinking and lines on par with Election Day, people often don’t have time to select the perfect gift. “It is crucial that the giver consider the circumstances of the person they are giving to,” said Mayhew, who once got a goldfish just before her holiday vacation. “In general, I stay away from giving anything that requires too much maintenance or long-term care.” That includes Chia Pets, puppies, children or a hair-weave.

When it comes to co-workers, in-laws or Secret Santa assignments, consider neutral territory — like gift certificates or anything from Godiva — that couldn’t possibly be misconstrued as evil. Although not terribly exciting or creative, opt for the practical, like a gas or grocery gift card, or “together gifts” that people can share with their families, such as a museum or zoo membership, says gift expert Robyn Spizman, co-author of “Do Your Giving While You Are Living.”

“Think of ways you can make a difference and your gift will live on all year long,” Spizman said. “Give comfortable and warm things that make people feel relaxed and cared for.”

And what should you do if someone presents you with a ThighMaster? Take a moment to relax, calm down and select an appropriate time — at least an arm’s punch away from family or the boss — to share your hatred of the gift. It could be that the gift-giver never meant to offend — he or she might just be unintentionally stupid.

“When the time is right, you might say, ‘I really appreciate your thinking of me, but I am not sure what this gift implies,’ ” Spizman suggests. “Tread lightly, but don't accuse someone of ill intentions. You just might be overly sensitive and they sincerely might be trying to help you. Not everyone has gift-giving radar — and their sense of humor just might need an adjustment.”

In the spirit of the holiday, we asked TODAYshow.com readers to share their funny and horrific stories of offensive delights they found underneath the tree. We discovered that mothers-in-law have a cruel, passive-aggressive sense of humor; that gag gifts can easily be misconstrued as tacky (or instigate a sexual harassment suit); and that most men are in desperate need of a personal shopper.

A family affair
I am an African-American woman who was married to a Caucasian man. His family has very little interaction with people of different races. On our first Christmas as a family, his mother gave me a bag of hair weave as a gift. When I asked her where she got the idea to do this, she innocently said, "Well, that's what all the little coloreds wear down here." When I complained to my husband, he told me that I was being too sensitive and that it is the thought that counts. Needless to say, her son and I are no longer married.
— Lisa, Orlando, Fla.

I have known since I was 17 that I did not want children. My sister never understood or honored that. One Christmas, after I had been married 15 years, she got me a tee shirt that said "I can't believe I forgot to have children." It is one gift I threw away and never acknowledged.
— Rachel White, Grapevine, Texas

My sister gave me acne medication for Christmas.
— Teresa, R.I.

My mother-in-law, who not only was usually drunk, but cheap, gave me a pound of ground beef — right from her freezer. She stuck a bow on it and made such a big deal over it. And it was very greasy!
— Betsy Murphy, Mukwonago, Wis.

Back in July my dad offered to get me a Web site dating membership for Christmas because, in his words, I "need to get married and have babies." He's brought it up a few times since then. We shall see ...
— Joan, Spring, Texas

For my 20th birthday, my mom gave me a broken VCR and told me I could get it fixed.
—Anonymous, Ohio

My mom has a thing about gaining weight. That is the first thing she sees when she looks at her children. Well, I know I have put on weight since my kids were born, so my mom bought me clothes a few years ago that were two sizes too small, and when I mentioned they would never fit, she said, "When you lose some of that weight, they will fit fine." Nice. (I never wore them and gave them to ARC.)
— Michelle Noe, Nampa, Idaho

I received a trash can from my in-laws. It was the only gift I received from them that year and I didn't ask for it, so it was not an expected or needed thing. I thought it sent a pretty clear message on what they thought of my home, though.
— Lauren, Las Vegas, Nev.

On Christmas Day my gift from my in-laws (whose airfare I had paid for the visit) was an ironing board. I detest ironing and purposely purchase non-cotton clothes for me and the kids so as to avoid ironing. I broke up with my first serious boyfriend in college when he asked me to iron a shirt. So, maybe it is just me. I am still greatly offended. It didn't bring me to tears but I still get a little enraged at the thought of it. 
— Pamela Burg, Spokane, Wash.

A few years ago my mother-in-law gave me the diet book "Stop the Insanity" for my birthday in September. For Christmas, she sent me Harry & David's Tower of Candy! Now that is a mixed message.
— Gloria, Saint Louis, Mo.

I received a marriage help book from my mother-in-law one year. None of her other daughters-in-law got one of these ... and there wasn't any sort of trouble in the marriage to prompt this gift, either. Her poor mistreated son and I have been happily married now for 17 years. 
— Tracy, Lubbock, Texas

When I was a teenager and had limited resources for Christmas presents, I gave my mother a candle setting for the coffee table and was incredibly proud of myself for it, since she loves candles to this day. Last year for Christmas (nearly six years later) she regifted me the candle setting — still in its original wrapper! How tacky is that?!
— Brooke, Ky.

My worst gift ever was from my mother-in-law. A used popcorn popper with old, rancid butter in the melting cup! (And it wasn't a joke!)
— Susan, Conn.

My former in-laws were really big into Amway, so imagine my embarrassment for my husband when he only received a package of Amway disposable razors for Christmas, I received a bottle of Amway lotion. I was truly upset for years about their lack of effort for their only son, who was a Navy SEAL.  
— Kimberly Murray, Broken Arrow, Okla.

My in-laws got my husband a book entitled "How to Survive Without Your Mom: A Mother's Guide to Living on Your Own." He is a grown man who had been living on his own for quite some time. I was furious!
— Francis Montgomery, Phoenix, Ariz.

My son was a bit of a rounder when he was a toddler. Not mean or anything, but always checking stuff out and getting into things. He wasn't disobedient, but tended to try to do things he shouldn't. When he was 2, my husband's cousin gave me a book about discipline by Dr. Sears. 
— Caroline, Memphis, Tenn.

I received two from my ex-mother-in-law when I was about 19. The first was a large faux wood Jesus clock whose arms spun around for the hour and minute hands and the second was see-through polyester crotch-less lingerie in a size 2 times bigger (I was a size 9 in juniors at the time). Funny now, but boy what a Christmas that was.
— Anonymous

My now ex-in-laws gave my husband and me the wine glasses they had stolen from the plane on their way to visit us. They then tried to give me a box of shampoos and soaps they had taken from various hotels on their travels "to help you out as we know you are struggling financially".
—Monica McCreery, Seattle, Wash.

My 10-year old niece, from my ex-husband's side sent me a "Precious Moments" picture frame with a bride and groom motif on the side of it four months after I filed for divorce from him.  Since they lived out of state, I am sure it was purchased/approved by her parents, who are unbelievably insensitive. 
—Melanie

My in-laws gave me a coffee table book about Antarctica.  Two years later, they gave me the same book.  I guess they thought I needed two of them.  They also gave me a book about how to be a good dad when my wife was pregnant with our daughter.  Interesting, because my wife never thought of them as good parents...
—John, SAnchorage, AK

Special holiday feature The best toy trends Get ready to play with dinosaurs, board games and even toys boasting a green agenda.

The weaker sex?
I received an engagement ring my (now ex) husband meant to give to his new girlfriend.
— Kate, Lafayette, La.

The worst 'thing' was from my husband. He actually had the nerve to give me a dildo that he admitted to have used with his ex... it's no wonder our sex-life has been a non-starter!
—Anonymous

When my ex-boyfriend and I were still together, we talked very seriously about getting married.   So, when he came to meet my family for the first time at Christmas, it was an especially important holiday. Needless to say, when we were done with dinner and he got all my family members' attention and gave me a little gift bag, I was a little more than excited. He got down on one knee, pulled out a little box and made me open it. What was in that box was one of the very first clues I got that said "Do not marry him!" The box had a candy pop ring in it ... he tried to put it on my finger, but failed because he was laughing so hard. While I was standing there in humiliation, it was all my parents could do to not kick him out of the house. It was all I could do to keep my composure.

MORE FROM TODAY HOLIDAY GUIDE

TODAY Holiday Guide Section Front

Party hard? Try the morning-after panini   Have a worry-free new year 15 affordable gifts for the holiday hostess 10 ways to save money in 2009 Entertaining? New Year’s snacks in a flash How to deal with a holiday debt hangover Indulge in a tasty tomato tart Got leftovers? Eat them for breakfast Hoda and Kathie Lee: Fave holiday recipes   Letters to Santa TODAY Holiday Guide Section Front   Add TODAY Holiday Guide headlines to your news reader: