Inspiring stories help ‘Idol’ wannabes advance

Aspiring singers who watched "American Idol's" trip to San Francisco got a crash course in how to ensure success when Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson and Kara DioGuardi arrive in their hometown.

Bringing small children is good. Bringing medical diagrams is bad. Heartwarming stories are good. Voices that make the judges think of new ways to insult the singer are bad. And wearing a coat that looks like a repurposed sofa is definitely bad, bad, bad.

Akilah's Anatomy: Akilah Askew-Gholston showed up with diagrams of the human body, as though medical knowledge from the Internet would help her sing better. That increased her humor value, as the cameras followed her around while she mispronounced the names of the body parts she was studying, but it didn't get her into the next round. "I want to sing the same song over," Askew-Gholston said after being rejected. "And I want to go to France," Kara responded.

From caregiver to karaoke: Kai Kalama was the heartwarming story of the episode, the designated singer who got to tell their sad story on camera so viewers can feel let down when he eventually is eliminated. Kalama takes care of his mother, who is suffering from a seizure disorder, and doesn't have much time for a personal life. "If I can get through this audition, my mom will be really proud," he gushed. Even though Simon said he had the personality of a ship singer, he made it to Hollywood anyway.

Simon 101: The judges weren't overwhelmed by Kalama's understated personality. Kara said she wanted something more sexy, but Simon had very specific advice: He told the singer to watch him to learn the art of confidence. As a bonus, he'd also learn the art of being rude.

The living's not so easy: Annie Murdoch was less than decisive about her song choice before eventually going with "Summertime." It didn't work out so well. "I'm gonna be honest with you, it was like you were drunk," Simon said. "I'm not talking one or two bottles. I'm talking a crate."

Miss Cleo on line one: Tatiana Del Toro's psychic friend told her she'd make it into the top 12, and just in case those vibes didn't prove strong enough, she dropped off a press kit, DVD, and CD. Her singing didn't seem to impress the judges at first, but eventually she was passed along to Hollywood. Her looks and some risque photos in her press kit made the difference. As Simon said, "She didn't get through on her vocals."

Simon says

Wicked rhapsody: Adam Lambert took the risk of singing Queen's tricky "Bohemian Rhapsody." The judges put him through and Kara called him the best singer they'd seen in any city. Simon sniffed that he was theatrical. Perhaps the "stage actor" occupation and the note that he was in the cast of "Wicked" gave that away.

Pass him along, or the kids cry: Fatherhood helped Jesus Valenzula earn one of San Francisco's 12 tickets to Hollywood. His first song was underwhelming, leaving Simon snorting that Valenzula was a nice guy with no chance of winning. But the judges asked him to bring his sons in and sing a song to them, and the combination of small children and "Unchained Melody" melted their hearts.

Nothing fails like failure: Dean-Anthony Bradford gave his job title as a "failed entrepreneur," and he can now add "failed singer" and "failed fashionista" to that list. Wearing a coat that looked like someone's college futon, his performance left the judges simply perplexed. "It was like torture. Over-the-top torture," Randy said.

Let's play the feud: "Idol" looked to make the new judge into a show-changer, and Ryan alluded to the "brewing feud between Simon and Kara." That was a lot of build-up for not much payoff, as most of the clips were just Simon being rude and dismissive as he is to Paula and all the other women who have ever appeared on the show. But when Kai Kalama was on-stage, Kara would not be silenced by Simon 'I will say what I want to say, and I will say it now," Kara said to Kalama. "You really need to get your performance up if you want to make it past Hollywood."

Craig Berman is a writer in Washington, D.C.