Social netiquette: When poking isn’t polite

Social networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace and Twitter can seem like the Wild West — anything goes. But even with the access and enormity of the Web, the rules you once learned on the playground still apply.

“There has been a major cultural shift in the way we communicate and document our social lives in recent years, but we have not been taught digital or online manners,” says Jo Bryant, an advisor for U.K.-based etiquette authority Debrett’s, which added a section on social networking etiquette to their “A-Z of Modern Manners” in early 2008.

The No. 1 rule? Treat others with kindness and respect, Debrett’s advises. For more complicated situations, here is a guide to being a good digital citizen and using technology wisely:

Rule: Don’t talk about poop in public
One of the most important rules, experts say, is that there is such a thing as too much information. You have a suspicious wart? Your bowels are on a rampage after that burrito? Tell your doctor or someone with whom you have a relationship in which that's acceptable. But you should think twice about putting that as your status message or Twittering about it.

“When you put something as your status, it’s like yelling it across the room,” says MSNBC Technotica columnist Helen A.S. Popkin. “So your status is the wrong place to write, ‘I'm getting divorced.’ ”

Adam Jackson, who co-authored the book “140 Characters,” a style guide for Twitter, says he always cautions people to avoid “bathroom tweets.”

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“There are things we feel compelled to say over Twitter as if there are no consequences at all,” he says. “But all this stuff is archived.”

Rule: Break up like a big kid
Breaking up is hard to do — the crying, anger, excuses — so why not avoid the guilt by sending a text or a MySpace message? Breaking up digitally is becoming more common and more acceptable, says Julie Albright, a sociologist at the University of Southern California who studies relationships and technology.

“It wasn't too long ago on ‘Sex and the City’ when Carrie said, ‘He dumped me with a Post-it note,’ ” Albright says. “Now it’s ‘He dumped me with a post on Facebook.’ ”

If the relationship is casual — and both parties understand that it’s casual — then this can be an option. But if the two of you had discussed wedding songs and picked out baby names, you have to dump the old-fashioned way: face to face.

Rule: Don’t be creepy
Social networking offers unprecedented access to the goings-on in people’s lives. This can make it particularly easy to stalk your ex. Once upon a time you had to don your black hoodie, cut your headlights and try to roll past his house unnoticed to catch a glimpse of his new life without you. Now, with just a mouse click, you can see who’s flirting with him, what parties he’s attended, and get an eyeful of that new woman on his arm.

Don’t do it to yourself, Albright advises. Not only are you being creepy (even if he doesn’t know about it), but you’re making it much harder to get over the relationship.

“It’s a lot easier to become obsessed with someone and to want to keep constant tabs on them,” she says. “It may be best to block or unfriend your ex so that you don’t have to deal with the temptation.”

It’s also acceptable to block or unfriend exes if you don’t want them to see what’s on your page.

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