Want to be happy? Take out the trash

Here’s why: Once you start throwing out a lot of physi­cal clutter — once you get on a roll, and you will — a new urge kicks in: “What about all the clutter in my mind?” you ask. “What in the world have I allowed to collect there?” And then you get into the really good stuff.

Of course it’s the mental clutter that drags you down and holds you back, that keeps you from stepping into the next great segment of your life — the one that’s filled with promise, joy, adventure, and best of all fulfillment. You can’t move forward into the future when you’re constantly sucked back into the past. So in addition to the socks and lipsticks, you’re going to throw out the old regrets and resent­ments, the resignation, the fear of failing or the fear of succeeding; you’re going to let go of the times when you came up a little bit short (we all have them). And you’re going to let go of the voices that remind you of your so-called limitations. You know those voices. Just when you’re feeling pretty spunky and sure of yourself — just when you’ve created a bold new vision for your life — that voice from the past says, “Not so fast, kiddo, you can’t do that! You don’t have enough time, you don’t have enough energy, you don’t have enough money, and anyway, they’ll never let you!”

A word about the voices: Whenever you’re out for something big, whenever you’re stepping out of your comfort zone and into your power, you’ll hear them. It’s inevitable. And it’s okay. In fact, I’d suggest that if you go along for months and don’t hear any voices, chances are you’re playing it too safe. Chances are, you’re hanging out in the stands when you should be strutting onto the field. The minute you enter the game, you’ll hear the voices. Congratulate yourself and say, “I must be about to live up to my potential. Let ’er rip!”

One more word about voices: Did you see the movie “A Beautiful Mind”? If you did, you’ll remember that the main protagonist is John Nash, the brilliant and world-renowned mathematician and co-recipient of the 1994 Nobel Prize in Economics, played by Russell Crowe. Nash suffered from severe paranoid schizophrenia, to the point that he saw and heard imaginary people who interacted intimately with him and negatively influenced his life — almost ruining his career and marriage, even endangering the lives of the people he loved. Toward the end of the film, Nash is teaching at Princeton where he’d done his undergraduate work. A fellow from the Nobel Prize committee comes to have tea with him and to, un­officially, determine if Nash is more or less “fit enough” to receive the prize. He asks Nash, “So, do you still um, you know, uh ...” Nash finishes his sentence, “See them? Yes, they’re still there. But I choose not to acknowledge them ... That’s what’s it’s like with all our dreams and all our nightmares. You’ve got to keep feeding them for them to stay alive.” I figure that if on any given day, John Nash can see and hear those torturous people who attempt to derail his life, but choose not to acknowledge them — then we can, too. We can say to ourselves when those negative, Not-so-fast, Who-do-you-think-you-are?, Let’s-not-get­ carried-away voices flood our minds: “Not today. I’m not listening today. I have my own hill to take, my own rivers to cross. Not today.”

Here’s a good story: A woman came into my office not long ago with what was supposed to be her list of throw­aways but didn’t want to talk about it. She had taken a leaf out of John Nash’s playbook and was focused on what was important to her — and only on what was important to her. When she’d left my office a couple of weeks earlier, she’d been resolute about letting go of whatever was dragging her down or holding her back. At the time, I didn’t know how resolute.

“C’mon,” I said. “What are you throwing out?”

Finally she said, “Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. I went home after our last session and threw out the guy I’d been living with for eleven years! I finally realized he was the one who was holding me back and weighing me down.

“But Gail,” she continued, looking worried, “do I still have to throw out forty-nine more things?”

“That’ll do it for today,” I said. “Take the week off. Then you can get crackin’ on the next forty-nine!”

Okay, now it’s your turn. This is the beginning of the Big Letting-Go.

Excerpted from “Throw Out Fifty Things,” by Gail Blanke. Copyright (c) 2009. Reprinted with permission from Grand Central Publishing.

More from TODAY Makeover! New look gets her a proposal Ho-ho-ho! White House Christmas tree arives Sad development: The last Kodachrome film lab Clickable video: Hottest tech gifts of 2009 Star quality? Get your guy on the TODAY show

MORE FROM

Over 50? Simple secrets to grow younger

Over 50? Simple secrets to grow younger How one mom learned to translate baby cries Quiz: Test your smarts about children’s health ‘Stand by Her’: A breast cancer guide for men Cesar Millan: How to help your pup learn Mom's guide to a happy work-home balance The birds and bees: Talking sex with your child One mother’s battle to save her son from OCD The worst meals for kids ‘Josie’s Story’ turns grief to patient-safety fight   Add headlines to your news reader: